Hey there, a quick word before I start. Sorry I haven't been posting for so long, life decided to take matter into its own hands and I didn't really have a choice but to prioritize other things over this blog.
To make things somewhat easier on myself, I decided to merge the next two letters together and shorten it a little in general. Starting at the end of January, there will be one letter a blogpost per week as before, however, to be able to finish this challenge before April of this year, I decided to scrap four letters - more on that once I get to those. With that out of the way, let's get started!
Isn't it a little self-centered to use the letter "I" as a way to simply talk about myself? Yeah, it for sure is. However, the topic of me is the one I don't have to do any research on and can just write from the heart to you, so even though this is all about me, I still hope some of you can find some enjoyment in reading this.
Combining the letter "I" with the following letter "J" - there is really just one pairing I could think of: "I and Japan". How did I end up here and why? Why do I still decide to stay beside all the obvious and less obvious bad sides I (as well as other foreigners) experience living here?
Some of you might have already read my very first blogpost about Aomori, which I do feel is somewhat of a starting point of my journey, however it isn't really the "very first". My interest in Japan started growing from a much younger age and during that time I would have never dreamt of actually living here one day. In my opinion, this just goes to show that no matter what crisis you are in and the worry about where you're going at the beginning of your twenties doesn't indicate your life is set in stone forever. Now, at the start of my thirties, I'm in such a different place and with way more direction than I had ten years ago. Take a breath. It's all going to work out, one way or another.
I can't pinpoint the exact moment I started to be interested in Japan, but there are three major works of media I know were definitely main contributors. The first two were the manga Fruits Basket as well as the Studio Ghibli movie Spirited Away. I was about eight when the movie came out and I remember seeing it in cinema. After that, I watched the DVD too many times to count.
As a girl born into a family that didn't really approve of girls, I could really only sympathize and see myself with strong, female leads that go their own way and shine through bravery whilst also being kind and loving. The cherry on top with Ghibli movies in general (not all of them, but most of them) is that the end goal is not the "Happily Ever After" - it's usually the journey of the little girl showing strength and finding their way. Howl's moving castle was the exception to the rule, but the story of Howl was based on a novel, so it isn't an original story by Miyazaki Hayao.
Anyways, random facts aside, those were the kinds of stories that spoke to me as a child. Fruits Basket is my most favourite manga of all time, even to this day. The story of a young girl losing her parents and trying so hard not to be a burden to anyone but is always given the feeling that her existence is not appreciated by most of her family members even though she is kind and giving really spoke to me. I identified with the main character a lot - and just for the record, I don't mean this to sound like I'm playing the victim. I can say with the utmost gratitude that I'm not an orphan and my mother always had my back, but except for her it often felt like my family wished I was never really born to begin with. Some of them disapproved of my father and made me pay the price for his wrongdoings, which is also a topic that comes up in the story of Fruits Basket. The main character also had trouble making friends, which had been a very apparent point in my life as well. Bullied in school and not judging by outward appearances when she finally does make a few very close friends were also very similar to my own experience, so all in all the whole storyline of the manga really spoke to me in various ways - so much so that even though it is a very text-heavy manga, I've read it over and over again as well.
The way the main character realizes in the end that it is okay for her to also be selfish sometimes, to prioritize her own feelings over those of others while still being a kind and caring person helped me realize that caring about others is a very wonderful trait to have, but not doing anything for oneself and not tending to your own needs just leads to burnout in the long run and you end up being unable to help anyone.
What made it stand out compared to other manga that incorporated the "two guys fighting over one girl"-dynamic was how the Mangaka decided to end the story. It was not the girl deciding on one boy, it wasn't even an actual love triangle storyline or something like that. At first you as the reader do wonder who she'll end up with, but if you look back, it made total sense from the beginning on how the story unfolded in the end. The guy who wasn't her "Happily Ever After" realized during the story that the love he really longed for was that of a mother - which she was able to give him. This story made me realize that there are many kinds of relationships and many kinds of love one can give. Also that there is nothing wrong with accepting and giving love that is not of romantic or even friendship nature. Think about it: Do you have an absent parent who you just wish would show you love? If they could but they won't, face it, they probably never will change their ways. But maybe you meet a person a similar age as your parent some day who is ready and willing to give you the attention you longed for, maybe even some life advice and care to some extent, and why not take that parent-ly love? You don't have to get into a relationship with them, which is what some people end up doing because they mistake that feeling with romantic love (no hate to those who actually are in romantic age-gap relationships, you do you, but not every age-gap relationship dynamic is a healthy one). However, you can also just take the love some stranger is willing to give without having to give them something in return and honestly, it can be very healing.
During my time in Aomori I met an American-Italian guy named Phil and even though we come from very different paths of life and think differently on many matters, we had a very important connection: our love and interest in Japan, especially Aomori. He had been living in Aomori for over 40 years by that point and he had this English school that I would visit from time to time to have some coffee and chat about life. I could come to him with boy-trouble and boss-trouble, and even though we were from very different generations, he always had an open ear to my problems. He was there for me when someone I was head-over-heels for broke my heart. In a way, he was a father figure for me, a kind and cheerful man. Obviously I can't judge how much of a father he is for his own children, but in my case, I chose not to turn away the caring fatherly love he sent my way, especially after being deprived of it for most of my life. We are still in touch and randomly met in the summer of 2023 when I went to Aomori for the yearly Nebuta festival. It was a very heartwarming reunion, made even more special by the fact that we randomly ran into each other.
The third introduction to Japan I had as a young girl was something rather controversial: the movie Memoirs of a Geisha. The reason as to why it is controversial is because (a) it was a Hollywood production (not a Japanese one) and (b) the main character, Sayuri, was not played by a Japanese (not even Japanese-American) actress. For this reason, the movie was not very appreciated in Japan itself and I haven't met anyone who knows it here. However, what Japanese people fail to see is that this movie might have introduced some people to their culture and I was one of those people. I loved the movie, it as well spoke to me in many ways. After seeing it in cinema as a young girl, I got the DVD and watched it over and over again. I remember vividly how I'd practise the proper way for a Geisha to sit down and stand up, taught by the stunning Mameha, who was portrayed by nowadays well-beloved actress Michelle Yeoh. All in all, I know it's controversial due to the actors' heritages and the birthplace of the movie, but it was a huge contributor to me falling in love with Japan and its culture.
I later watched tons of anime, mainly Shoujo anime, but I also enjoyed some other Japanese media. My most favourite videogames were also ones that originated in Japan - Pokemon and Final Fantasy (and later Zelda). I think, all of the media I consumed over my lifespan and especially the younger years really influenced my character and the longing to live in a world where people are more respectful with each other in everyday life.
These were my first introductions to Japan and Japanese culture and they really put Japan on the list of countries I'd like to visit one day. I couldn't have known that this wish would come true in 2014 by a series of lucky coincidences. The biggest one was my best friend being overseas at the time. She was working almost nonstop and didn't really have time to keep up with all of her friends, so after we had a chat I would occassionally transfer messages to other friends of hers. One time, I met up with her childhood friend to just catch up about our mutual friend. Her childhood friend then randomly told me that she was thinking about doing a 2-week long voluntary program in Japan, but didn't want to go alone because Japan was so far away from Germany. I didn't even think twice before I said I'd join her. She couldn't believe it at first, but I was immediately all-in. And this happening is what started to spin the thread between me and Japan.
The experience I made in 2014 when I stayed at that 2-week voluntary workcamp program completely changed everything what I wanted to do with my life. I dropped out of university (studied German and English at the time) to start working so I could earn money to do another voluntary service in Japan, this time for a whole year. Also started learning Japanese at the time, but more on that on another day.
Many people around me, especially friends and family that care about me that I "left behind" in Germany, often don't understand why I chose to stay in Japan. The economy is terrible, I don't have a lot of chances of finding well-paying jobs due to me not having graduated from university, xenophobia does run a lot more rampant than many Japanese people like to admit and obviously natural disasters like earthquakes and typhoons as an ever-lasting threat to life. On top of that is also the language barrier, which I have managed to somewhat break through, but that doesn't mean I don't struggle a lot, especially with important errand runs like going to institutions. There might sometimes be a Japanese person that speaks English, but often times they don't speak English as well as I do Japanese, and since English is also just my second language, we usually get better results by just speaking in Japanese with each other. There have been quite a few situations in the past where I thought to myself: "This would have been so much less tiring if I had done this in Germany", but still I continue to live here instead.
So yeah, why do I not just go back to Germany and live a less stressfull life in the country I was born in, where everyone speaks my mother tongue? Well, speaking the same language is one thing, but being on the same page is another. I don't know why, but ever since the first time I lived in Japan for a longer period of time, the way people interacted with each other on a daily basis just spoke to me so much more than the way my fellow countrypeople did. Even to this day the only foreigners I really get along with (that I encounter within the country) are the ones who share my passion for Japan and love living here in spite of all the hardships just as much as I do. If they are people who know they are only going to be here for a short time or don't give a shit about the culture, mistreat it by disrespecting the rules or try to convince me how much shittier everything is here compared to their own country (yes, this unfortunately has happened before), I just know we are not going to be able to connect.
Justifications for why I decide to stay in Japan are plenty, but don't get me wrong, I'm not wearing rose-tinted glasses. I am well aware of Japans not-so-good qualities - hell, they influence my everyday life. But for me personally, my lists of pros and cons of living in Germany versus living in Japan edge on the side of living in Japan. This might not be the case for everyone and I understand anyone who wouldn't want to live here. However, if you ever get the chance, I'd totally recommend you at least come and visit this wonderful country one day!
Thank you for reading!
EFA
As always, thank you so much for taking time of your day to check out my blogpost. It really means a lot to me. Write for you again soon! Stay tuned.
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